bob
04-22-2002, 01:57 PM
This is an actual letter sent by a fed-up employee in
Port Huncliff, New England.
Mr. Baker:
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superior shares an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of myself, and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to
explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to
stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of
precious oxygen.
I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
others. You have a sharp-dressed, useless look about you that may have
worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,
you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for
your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the
blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you
are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is
unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy, I am forced
to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting points.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give
me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not
to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of
years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on
your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get
cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently
saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I believe that terms
like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers
b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied
and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
your damn mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00 am tomorrow, not ONE minute later. One word of this to anybody
and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the
public. Never mess with your systems administrators, because they know what
you do with all your free time.
Sincerely,
Ted Brewer
Port Huncliff, New England.
Mr. Baker:
As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superior shares an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of myself, and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to
explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to
stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of
precious oxygen.
I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
others. You have a sharp-dressed, useless look about you that may have
worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,
you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for
your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the
blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you
are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is
unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy, I am forced
to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting points.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give
me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not
to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of
years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on
your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get
cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently
saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I believe that terms
like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers
b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied
and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
your damn mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00 am tomorrow, not ONE minute later. One word of this to anybody
and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the
public. Never mess with your systems administrators, because they know what
you do with all your free time.
Sincerely,
Ted Brewer