I "borrowed" this, but it's just too funny...

[Karel]

Comprehending the IT guy - Take One

Two IT guys were walking across the park when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second IT guy replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the
bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.' The second IT guy nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


Comprehending the IT guy - Take Two

An architect, an artist and an IT guy were discussing whether it was better to have a wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The IT guy said, "I like both." The artist said "BOTH?" The IT guy replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."

Comprehending the IT guy - Take Three

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the IT guy, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending the IT guy - Take Four

An IT guy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The IT guy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want." Again the IT guy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The IT guy said, "Look I work in IT. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

[Karel]

I borrowed it from "flightcaptain" over at tweakxp.com (http://www.tweakxp.com/tweakxp/board/default.asp)

[bob]

Been a while. There is more action here each week. :)

[Karel]

Great to "see" you again, too.

I've simply been unable to spend enough time online to visit "my favourite forums", the last couple of months. I'm investing all the time my dear wife allows me into a new job I worked very hard to get in the first place.

But, all work and no play makes...:(:(:(

I hope I'll be able to contribute a little more in the future...

[SARGE]

Man on a deserted island and finds a bottle, genie inside (naturally). He offers the wish. Man wants a bridge built all the way across the water, back to the mainland. The genie gasps, and asks if the man is sure he wouldn't rather have something a little easier to fulfill. Man thinks for a minute, says, "you know, I always wanted someone to help me understand women".

The genie stares at him and asks, "how many lanes do you want on that bridge?"

[bob]

SARGE I can claim the impossible. I understand women.

Test me with a new thread - in any catagory. :)

[SARGE]

my bad, I thought I was posting a new thread.

[archie]

Oh my gawd Bob, you are mistaking my cyberfriend and have got to be kidding. :D
You only believe that you understand women ... being that you are not married [to such lovely creature], you are but a newbie when it comes to this complex matter.

BTW, nice to 'see' you guys here.

[SARGE]

Howdy, Archie. What's so "complex" about the matter?!?!?! I'm writing a book on the subject and plan to make millions.

[bob]

Mr /\, I would not say so if it was not true.

[netzero]

1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

2. I love deadlines. I'm particularly fond of the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.

6. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

7. My reality check bounced.

8. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

9. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

10. Today, I'm planning on being slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

11. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

12. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.

13. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

14. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

15. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

16. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

17. You can go anywhere you want. Just look serious and carry a clipboard.

18. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

19. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

20. Following the rules will not get the job done.

[SARGE]

Good ones.