Asterick
10-18-2000, 02:48 PM
LITTLE JOHNNY
LITTLE JOHNNY 1
Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night,in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his
stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
LITTLE JOHNNY 2
A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning Ohhhhhhhh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
LITTLE JOHNNY 3
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand"I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very Good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice,"replied the teacher. Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation,the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked
at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
LITTLE JOHNNY 4
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None." replied Johnny "'cause the rest would fly way." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking. "Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you
now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."
LITTLE JOHNNY 5
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The
teacher replied "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." "Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But
I like your thinking," the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he
speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it. It's round, hard, and its got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!!"
LITTLE JOHNNY 1
Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night,in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his
stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
LITTLE JOHNNY 2
A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning Ohhhhhhhh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
LITTLE JOHNNY 3
A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class. One little boy raises his hand"I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very Good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice,"replied the teacher. Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation,the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked
at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."
LITTLE JOHNNY 4
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None." replied Johnny "'cause the rest would fly way." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking. "Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you
now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."
LITTLE JOHNNY 5
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The
teacher replied "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." "Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But
I like your thinking," the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he
speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it. It's round, hard, and its got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!!"