eaglefeather
09-16-2000, 08:25 AM
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the
statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat
them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the
middle of it.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors,
and miss.
Cooking lesson
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by
their maker.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen
to you for the rest of the day.
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun and
shoot other people in the eyes.
If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple
of car payments.
If you try and don't succeed, cheat.
Repeat until caught. Then lie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never eat yellow snow.
Never pet a burning dog.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and
annoys the pig.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through
a suitable application of high explosives.
There are very few problems that cannot be solved by orders
ending with 'or die.'
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school -- you'll be working
for them in the future.
statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat
them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the
middle of it.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors,
and miss.
Cooking lesson
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by
their maker.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen
to you for the rest of the day.
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun and
shoot other people in the eyes.
If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple
of car payments.
If you try and don't succeed, cheat.
Repeat until caught. Then lie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never eat yellow snow.
Never pet a burning dog.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and
annoys the pig.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through
a suitable application of high explosives.
There are very few problems that cannot be solved by orders
ending with 'or die.'
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school -- you'll be working
for them in the future.